The Precious Gift of Healing and Growth, brought to You by Your Children…

I have always said that the day my first-born came into the world (my daughter), I not only cried tears of joy, but also those same tears you shed when you see someone you have not seen in a very long time. I knew, at that very moment, that she was my soul mate. I was sure that we had traveled throughout eternity together and that we were again reunited.

When she became about 6 months old, I had the most incredible epiphany. Maybe it was brought on by me being the empathetic person that I am, but for what ever reason, I felt extremely blessed; as I had realized that she was my gift to myself that forced me to relive and repair my own childhood.

As time passed and old childhood memories followed (age appropriate to her) I was able to work through the negative and embrace the positive. In doing so, my mission would be to raise my children where their lives would be a correction to mine and therefore they would be better people than myself. I would be able to gift the world much more confident, happier, and brighter individuals.

So far (they are both teens, one is graduating from high school in a few weeks), I am pleased to say that this empathetic and positive motivator has worked quite well. They both have seems to be on the right path to being amazing adults.

I have encountered parents who live their lives through their children as opposed to with them. Also, I have found that some parents seems to have a need to overcompensate for their own childhood inadequacies. Of course, there are those who continue to perpetuate their own dysfunction to the next generation. This all makes me quite sad.

The journey of parenthood is for both parent and child. Growth should be a forward motion with a goal of enlightenment. I must share that I am most fortunate in the fact that my immediate family (mom, dad, and both brothers) are always open and loving when it comes to discussing with them any old issues that need to be revisited, discussed, and repaired. My children also see this and are comforted by it. Knowing that is one of the most healthy ways to move forward. Remember,we as parents, lead by example.

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Child Blessings…….

If you are Blessed to have Children (no matter the circumstances) THEY should be your Greatest Accomplishment for they are a Gift to you, and in turn, you Gift them, into the Universe.

Mothers and Daughters, Daughters and Mothers…….

(me and my daughter)

To tell you the truth, I was not as close to my mom growing up as I would have liked. It wasn’t util I left the house (at 18) that we became close. So close, in fact, that I just about worship her and all that she is to me. She is my heart, my home, my very best friend; and I’d be lost without her love in my life.

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The moment I gave birth to my very own daughter, I knew that I did not want the same childhood relationship between mother and daughter that I had had. I vowed to make it better and right with her. In this process, she and I would become stronger, happier, and extremely bonded. It seemed as though, instinctually, I just knew what not to do as well as what to do. I have always been quite empathetic when raising my children, so putting myself back into my daughter’s little shoes (and bigger ones as she’s grown), I was able to relive, reconcile, and nurture her in the way in which I felt a mother’s loving guidance should be. I am happy to say that she and I have a beautiful relationship, and I look forward to what the future brings between the two of us.

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I share these words with you, dear reader, because of the many women that I see who suffer from resentful and dysfunction emotions associated with their relationships with either their mothers, daughters, or sometimes even both.

You see, the mother-daughter journey is a very complicated and intense life experience. So much so, that there have been numerous books and talk show “chats” about this very subject. My intention in today’s post is to put things in simpler and more hopeful terms.

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I’d like to convey to you, dear reader, some points in the following numbered statements:

1. No one’s relationship with another is perfect. They are all flawed in one way or another. This is how it is and should be (we are here to learn). Do not feel as though you have to achieve perfection on this level.

2. Everyone has an innate desire for parental approval even though they may not admit it.

3. Women emulate their mother’s behavior, good and bad. It is for you to choose the better and deal with the bad by separating yourself from it.

4. If your mother comes from a childhood full of chaos and/or disapproval, she may not have ever had the emotional capacity needed to raise you with the love, affection, and acceptance that you required. Also,she may never admit to or validate your feelings toward her. This has nothing to do with your worthiness.

5. We are all entitled to love and cannot thrive without it.

6. With your own daughter, never ever over compensate for your own mother’s shortcomings. This will not bring you closer. It will only perpetuate your ill feelings toward your mom and in turn, breed new ones within your own daughter.

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7. If you have the opportunity to confront your mother and she is willing to mend your relationship and move forward, then you are blessed. On the other hand, if your mother is no longer with you or she is not open to having a conversation, then you must move on in the acceptance of this fact. You will not be able to change the damage that has already been done. You can only look to the future by letting go.

8. You do have the power to choose a better and brighter life for yourself and your own daughter.

9. You do have the power to move forward with love for yourself and be a positive influence to your daughter.

10. You do have the power to not allow anyone to be neglectful and indifferent toward you, especially your mother.

11. A good relationship between mother and daughter is not a given for anyone. It is a blessing to be appreciated and cherished.

12. You are the link between what your mother was to what your daughter will become.

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Remember, it was your mother’s responsibility to raise you, not the other way around. If there is still hope in your relationship, you may be able to help guide her and yourself to a more respectful and loving relationship. Within honestly and openness, you may be able to mend the broken fences and, in turn, breath new life into your outlook. Also, you may then have peace of mind when it comes to your relationships with all the other women in your life.

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Be a good mother. Be a good daughter. Be blessed, for you are what love is…….

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Telling others how PROUD you are of them is most important and we all need to hear it….

We are all born with the basic need to feel loved and accepted. One of the ways in which we show each other our fondness is by telling them how proud we are of them. We need to hear such things from our friends, peers, loved ones, and most of all, our parents (or caregivers). The act of telling your children how proud you are of them is one of the many fundamental building blocks of a healthy self image.

In order for us to feel good about who we are (and in turn feel good about those we choose to surround ourselves with) we must feel a sense of worth and importance. This positive self image is then perpetuated by the way in which we treat others as well as ourselves. If someone expresses that they really never care about how others feel about them, or that they don’t require approval of any kind, they are not being truthful with you and most importantly, are lying to themselves. They are in denial and therefore, at times, can seem cold and unaffected.

proud parents Telling others how PROUD you are of them is most important and we all need to hear it....

If we are not nurtured with prideful caregivers, this leaves us forever seeking approval in others, often at our own expense. We then become victims and travel in the same dysfunctional circle for a lifetime, never finding the peace within ourselves to know that we are important and that we can accomplish great things; always wondering why we are not good enough and why life is so unfair. When a parent neglects their child in this way, they feel either consciously or subconsciously a sense of emptiness or a void. Until they are able to revisit and resolve their parents/care giver’s shameful behavior and come to realize that the rejection they have felt had nothing to do with them but with the caregivers themselves, they will not have inner peace.

I share this subject today, with you, dear reader, for I was inspired (yesterday) by some one very special and important to me who has gone out of their way to show me this type of acceptance over the past few weeks. And for this, I am truly grateful. My hope for you is to help free you up of any old negative preconceptions about your worthiness and abilities.

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We all have many accomplishments to be proud of. These accomplishments need not be monumental. They could be as simple as just getting through a rough day, not loosing your temper, helping out a dear friend, finishing a project on time, or smiling when you feel like crying. You should be proud of yourself each and every day. You should also say the words out loud: “I am very proud of you!” to those who deserve it, when it is appropriate and true. These kind words should mean as much to you as to the recipient. Now, watch their face light up with delight!

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Be Proud. Be Happy. Be True.

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Self Respect; For You and Your Children

Pictured above is me at age 5, chubby and happy. Most of my childhood and adolescence was riddled with weight issues and having to be the “new chubby kid” in school, too many times to mention ,which leads to teasing and lots of belly aches (my parents liked to buy and sell houses). Through it all, my stability came from being from a very large and loving Italian family and a father who told me that I was “the most beautiful girl in the world” on a daily basis. My mother lead by example, showing me that being a strong and independent woman was something to be proud of and to strive for. I could have gone either way when it came to my self image.

After all was said and done, I chose to believe my dad: that I was special and that I could be whoever I wanted because I was worthy. Being innately outgoing, becoming a strong and proud woman was probably inevitable, but through my mom, I knew I wanted to be like her. This was one of the greatest gifts my family could have given to me. After making some bad choices during my teenage years and in my early 20′s, it was the basic instilled belief in myself that contributed to me becoming the self confident woman that I am.

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The reason for my sharing this with you is to explain the basis of my belief of how important and vital it is to have a healthy sense of self respect and worth. When you respect yourself you do not allow others to mistreat you and you base all of your decisions with great confidence and in some cases, when appropriate, with tenacity.

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When having children, I knew that the gift of a positive self image, would be one of the greatest assets that they would eventually leave home with, helping to guide them throughout their lives. I feel that it a most vital tool to posses in the pursuit of a healthy, happy, and fulfilling life. As a parent I would lead by example; for there are no “victims” in my household because when you play victim so do your children and this is never a good idea.

Basically speaking, I feel that the very first steps in building a positive self image for your children is to start out with them when they are very young. Teaching them the concept of respect for others through discipline, limits, and routine. All of these being taught with great love and empathy. Doing so will make them feel safe and secure. They will know what to expect and when to expect it. This will, in turn, give them the tools needed to want to please themselves after they have worked so hard to please you. Moving forward, they will be used to the idea that what makes them feel good also makes others feel the same way. The rest, with more guidance, will build upon itself to produce an adult with self love, respect, and the confidence to be an example to others.

Even if you are not the most confident and secure individual, by teaching these lessons to your children, you will in turn be reinforcing these beliefs in yourself and grow along with them. It’s a beautiful thing.

Peace of Mind

Life experiences,quotes,quick thoughts,and beautiful photos to inspire

Tag Archives: children

The Precious Gift of Healing and Growth, brought to You by Your Children…

Child Blessings…….

Mothers and Daughters, Daughters and Mothers…….

Telling others how PROUD you are of them is most important and we all need to hear it….

Self Respect; For You and Your Children